children's books

Zombie in the Basement – fast draft pages 18 – 19

This is the eighteenth and nineteenth page spread of my picture book in progress, “There’s a Zombie in the Basement” and comments from the various critique groups I belong to.  Posting this and the other pages here are a part of my creative/editing process on my story that I invite you to help me with.  Let me know what you think about the comments and add your own too.  If you would like some context for this page and the comments, feel free to view the complete fast draft story video first or view it via the project page.  You can also view my crits from the first page.

Pages 18 - 19Comments:

  • Found this one a bit creepy.
  • Are cows often dissected?
  • “Or are they just pulling the hairs on my arm” doesn’t make sense to me.
  • Scary!
  • “…a mime?” sounds contrived.  Find a replacement.
  • Is it bad that the father is mocking him?
  • “Dissect” may be too big a word.

What do you think?

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