children's books

Zombie in the Basement – fast draft pages 22-23

This is the twenty-second and twenty-third page spread of my picture book in progress, “There’s a Zombie in the Basement” and comments from the various critique groups I belong to.  Posting this and the other pages here are a part of my creative/editing process on my story that I invite you to help me with.  Let me know what you think about the comments and add your own too.  If you would like some context for this page and the comments, feel free to view the complete fast draft story video first or view it via the project page.  You can also view my crits from the first page.

Pages 22-23Comments:

  • I stumbled across this line — I think it was “Spider’s”.  Maybe “They went to the circus to see Lady Spider, on the trapeze and drink Alien’s cider.”
  • Awkward (right page stanza)

(For purposes of the video, I already got rid of the word “act”)

What do you think?

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