I need to be more diligent about putting more process stuff on my blog. Granted, I’m learning about some of this stuff for the first time, but it doesn’t mean that some of you can’t get something out of this too. With the invaluable help of my local SCBWI critique group, and a Facebook critique group via RhyPiBoMo, this is my current version of my picture book manuscript, which I am going to submit to some agents shortly along with my dummy, which you can view a early draft of in a video here.
Mommy! Daddy! I need you please!
Now Milo, dear, what can it be?
If you don’t sleep, we’ll all be tired.
I’ll be late to work, maybe get fired!
Now close your eyes, and count some sheep.
You really ought to go to sleep.
I cannot sleep, my sheep are spent,
‘cuz there’s a zombie in the basement!
Well rest assured, you’re not thinking clear,
A zombie is really nothing to fear.
There’s no such thing. You should be in bed.
A movie has planted a zed in your head.
Yes, it’s true, I stayed up late,
Now I regret the sweets I ate.
Try as I might, shut my eyes tight,
I’m gettin’ scared of some sounds in the night.
A creak? A squeak? A big giant beak?
Eight creepy legs? A circus freak?
A blood-thirsty ghost? A dark hooded reaper?
An overweight centaur on Daddy’s car creeper?
Mommy! Daddy! Come fast if you could!
What is it now? It better be good!
The zombie, her tapeworm, and all of her crew!
They’re coming to get me, I fear that I’m through!
A vampire is laughing! They dance on the stairs!
They’ll use safety scissors and cut off my hair!
You’re just being silly. You know it’s not true.
Your scissors are sitting right next to your glue.
Now get back to sleep, I’ll tuck you right in.
Our patience with you is wearing quite thin.
My folks don’t believe me, and rightfully so.
My mind is quite active, the tantrums I throw.
If I don’t doze off, my eyes will be shot,
And I’ll be sent off to Principal Scott.
I know they’re not real, or so it is said.
Or maybe a Sasquatch will sit on my head.
Or juggling sharks, or evil twins.
The nape of my neck’s feeling needles and pins.
Or are they just pulling the hairs on my arm?
Or will they dissect me like cows on the farm?
Mommy! Daddy! What is it this time?!
A pink colored pony riding a mime?
Yes! That’s what I fear is coming this time!
A zombie, a Sasquatch and even a mime!
The centaur is friends with the pink-colored pony.
They all need a friend. Sometimes they get lonely.
The juggling sharks, the twins are just sad.
The zombie’s their mom. The vampire’s their dad.
They went to the circus to see Lady Spider
On the trapeze and drink Alien’s cider.
All those things you hear are no longer so creepy.
Their party’s ending, they’re all getting sleepy.
Now doze off, no counting, not even a peep.
Reaper and ghost will take care of your sheep.
All things that you fear, can really be friends,
‘Cuz it’s all what you make in your mind at the end.
In the process of writing this script, I broke it down into the following base meter box as an audit tool, with the help of a really cool instructional website called RhymeWeaver.com:
Now granted, a lot of this is quite subjective, but I feel like I’m close enough to proceed. I’ve revised a few of the pencil roughs in my dummy, and I probably need to do a few more finished colored pages for a couple of the submissions, but I’m excited to proceed and throw caution to the wind. I also will be re-recording the video to reflect some of the recent edits.
If it doesn’t work out, I am determined to release this book, so I will likely run a crowd-funding campaign for those of you who may be interested in having a copy of this book for your own!